Work VS. Home

I haven’t worked outside the home in over 10 years now.

10 years.

My twins are going to be heading off to kindergarten soon. Officially, they can go this fall, but I don’t think I’m quite ready to send them off. The selfish/emotional part of me never wants to send them to school because I don’t know what I’ll do with myself; the hovering side of me does not want them to be the youngest in their class. The practical side of me tells me to go ahead and send them to school and go back to work. Or school (like I’ve been dreaming of for years). I’m pretty sure the emotional/selfish side is going to win.

Especially when I think about some of the degrading things that have happened to me at work before. I hate feeling subjected to someone else’s whims because they sign my paycheck or are my “superior”. I really don’t like working with people who cannot keep their emotions in check and take out their personal frustrations on others.

I’m reminded of the time that one of my bosses marched me down the hall like a 2 year and into an office because he was embarrassed that someone overheard me telling him that one of his subcontractors needed to be paid. Or the time that I got yelled at/accused of stealing something that someone misplaced. Or, the time…….(you get the picture.)

And then I think that I never want to work for anyone again.

But then I reconsider and think the money would be nice.

And then I remember that I used to hate to be a child because I didn’t like always being subjected to anothers frustrations and demands. And it makes me consider that my children probably feel the same way.

And the circle begins again.

What do YOU think?Β  Send the twins to school?Β  Or keep them home with me….possibly forever if I can’t let them go.

To hear what others are saying, visit Mama Kat today.

Comments

  1. 1

    says

    If they’re ready, go ahead and send them. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go back to work, if you can afford the bills. My mum stayed at home until we had finished high school. But not all work places are like that.

    I worked at a store for years and they would treat me like that. I remember many occassions where I was told that a customer cannot put an item on layaway overnight because we didn’t have storage space. I’d tell them that, they’d complain, and ask to speak to the same manager I had just asked, who would then tell them “Oh sure, we can do that.” So I’d look like the mean one who didn’t want to bother. A lot of other stuff happened too there.

    When I left that job I had no desire to go back to work at all, so I took off a couple years, travelled some, took a couple of courses, and then a position opened at the local arena (City job), so I applied and got it. I wasn’t sure at all that I really wanted it, but thought I’d give it a shot. If I didn’t like it I’d quit and focus more on my school… it was such a different enviroment, I love it so much there. My coworkers are like an extended family to me. I’m so glad I went for it!

  2. 2

    says

    Are they on the cusp, age-wise?

    I’d opt to keep them home, if it keeps you from finding a job. It’s much more fun when my bloggy friends can just chat all day long. Trust me on this. πŸ™‚

    • 3

      Angie says

      They are RIGHT on the edge cusp wise. Like within 2 weeks.

      I’m going with your advice. Being able to chat with you all day is WAY funner than work. πŸ™‚

  3. 4

    says

    I say wait another year if you can financially swing it. I’ve got one more to go with Youngest, and it would be nice to know one of my bloggy friends is having twice as much “fun” as me πŸ˜‰

    This is a very powerful sentence – “I didn’t like always being subjected to anothers frustrations and demands” – wow, really. That one will make me count to 10 a lot today in order to keep my frustrations to myself.

    • 5

      Angie says

      Did you see how perfect your comment luv title is with your quote? πŸ™‚

      “This is a very powerful sentence – β€œI didn’t like always being subjected to anothers frustrations and demands” – wow, really. That one will make me count to 10 a lot today in order to keep my frustrations to myself.
      AshΒ΄s last blog ..I picked the scab. I hate when I do that.My ComLuv Profile”

  4. 6

    says

    My mom stayed at home until I was in second grade i think and then went back to work. I think it is good to see them through the early stages of school until they get really adjusted. That way maybe you can take some classes that you want but still be available if they need you.

  5. 7

    Melissa says

    I was the youngest and loved it. I started University earlier which meant I could go on my mission with my degree already.
    They’ll be able to get at least a year in before, if the decide to go.
    I dunno though, in this country, being able to drive is a big deal and I hear that sucks if your young.
    If it were my kid? I’d send them and keep staying home.
    I’m NEVER planning on going back to work.
    I’m gonna do volunteer work, go back to school, help in the kids class, be there when they’re finished school, hang out with mates.
    I’m hoping it’ll be as wonderful as it sounds and Dru will be getting paid enough for me to do it.

  6. 8

    says

    Homeschooling may be a good option. πŸ™‚ I homeschool my 4 kids (BTY_-twin boys in the middle) and love it! They grow up so fast… I like being with them more, and teaching them the things that I feel are so important for them to learn. I realize homeschooling isn’t for everyone… but I thought I’d throw the idea out there. πŸ˜€ Good luck with what ever you do.

  7. 9

    says

    I think you should go ahead and send them to school. I understand exactly how you feel about working outside the home. I’ve been a stay at home/ work at home mom for a few years now and it feels like eternity already. I don’t think I ever want to work for someone else again.

  8. 10

    says

    This is always a tough call, but having visited this question with both of my kids who have summer birthdays, one who is entering 2nd grade and the other entering Kinder this fall, I decided to send them both.

    I didn’t have the pull to keep them at home for myself, so my situation was a bit different. But they were/are both ready. I would have been doing them a disservice by not sending them to be challenged and learn more than I personally (who would make a horrible homeschooler) could provide for them. My son, who is mature socially but I assumed would struggle academically because he was in special needs programs as a toddler, not only kept up, but ended up in an advanced math class. Go figure.

    After seeing a lot of kids held back, or not held back, I’m starting to form the opinion that unless the child is socially just horribly immature for his or her age and cannot cope, they should go to school at the prescribed time. I don’t remember there being so many people debating the “hold your kid back” issue when I was growing up eons ago. Kids learned to fend and swim once they were thrown in the pool of elementary school. I think it’s a good thing to let kids stretch their wings.

    But it sounds like that’s not your issue….again, I don’t feel that pull of “stay with me forever” so I have a totally different slant. Good luck making your choice, it’s never an easy one! I personally wish I had worked when kids were babies and then got to stay home once they went off to elementary school. The demands on me as a mom are much greater now that they’re of school age – homework, activities, friend dramas. So far I like being home for them to have my finger on the pulse of what is going on.

    Okay. long enough comment πŸ™‚

    • 11

      Angie says

      Can’t thank you enough for this. Definitely food for thought……I’m finding with my older 3 in school it IS way busier, too!

  9. 12

    says

    Well whatever decision you make don’t do it because of social pressure or fear, make it because it brings happiness & joy into your life & your family. If keeping them home & learning together (even if just for the next year) does this then go for it, if sending them to school does this then do send them. No decision is forever,it can change & you do NOT have to be pressured into making a big life decision for yourself. You can always take a year to figure out what your passions are (if they are home or at school, you can do this regardless) & then set out to pursue them.

  10. 14

    says

    If they are ready, you can always send them and see how it goes.

    My youngest is starting Kindergarten in the fall. I’m not sure I’m ready. People, mostly family, think I will go back to work when they’re both in school. I’m not ready to do that either.

    If you can do it financially, I’d stay home during the first couple years of school.

  11. 15

    says

    I’m not there to that point with my kids and but like you, so don’t want to be minion either. I’m sure that you will figure it out.

    I’m counting down til all my kids are in school, so I can work.LOL

  12. 16

    says

    I get so stressed out thinking about going back to work. Can’t I just have my kids all in school and spend the day blogging? Oh, I mean, actually getting the house in order and volunteering?

    The view down here about kindergarten is that it’s either a one year or two year thing. That you send your child if they are old enough and if they weren’t ready, well, they do it again the following year. I’m not really sure how I feel about that, though.

    • 17

      Angie says

      I’m not into the repeat thing. People remember…………:) Staying home and just blogging sounds just right. πŸ™‚

  13. 20

    says

    I remember being worried when my youngest was heading off to kindergarten thinking, ” what am I going to do now?” Well, mine are 8 and 10 soon to be 9 and 11 this summer and are going into 4th and 6th grades. A few years ago I tried to go back to school full time for dental hygeine and between the crazy course load and my husband’s 80+ hr/week rotating schedule the kids were being neglected. I finally decided to not continue on. It was a hard decision, but I realized that I couldn’t get that time back with my kids and that they needed me more. I work part time just 10 -12 hours per week for a marketing company that my friend owns. It’s not my dream job, but it’s perfect with my kids and flexible with inservice days, sick days, snow days, etc… I also have spring break and summers off. I don’t have any family nearby and I don’t know what I would do otherwise. I often get asked what I do all day with the kids in school full time. I must say I think I’m busier now than I ever was before. I’m constantly trying to squeeze more into my schedule and the days fly by. There never seems to be enough time.

    • 21

      Angie says

      I’m thinking that no matter what I decide, I’ll still lament the fact that there are never enough hours in the day for what I need/want to get done…..

  14. 22

    says

    Gosh, I am completely unqualified to answer this question.

    Maybe part time work is the answer. I can say I was always a little older than everyone in my class because my mom decided to put me in a tad later. When I was a kid, I didn’t like that so much because people suspected me of being held back one grade. But what the heck did I know? I was just a kid.

    Stopping by from Mama Kat’s.

  15. 23

    says

    I would probably keep them home, if they are on the young side. I would agree that working PT is a nice balance. I worked PT for 5 years after the birth of my daughter & twins and have been working FT for the last 5 months and it is HARD. Ridiculously hard. The grass is always greener, I think, but I would love to go back to working PT. I think that if you have the option to stay home and want to stay home, you should.

  16. 25

    says

    If they’re ready you should send them…and you go to school yourself. I’m going back this fall. Backpack and all!

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

  17. 26

    says

    Because they’re boys I would keep them home one more year. Boys don’t seem to mature as quickly as girls, so I think starting them when they’re a little older is good. That’s just my opinion, though!! What about half-day preschool? My girls are going to half-day preschool this fall and I’m SOOOO glad. It’s play based and it’s the same school Luke went to, so I know they’ll love it. Luke used to get upset on saturdays when I would tell him there was no school that day.

    I started working part-time last month and I love it. I like the people I work with and I like the company a lot (so far!!). After the kids are settled into their routine this fall with school, etc., I’ll work full-time and I’m excited about that. That said, I still plan to pursue opportunities to work on my own so that one day I can have my own business and work my own hours and on my own terms. That would be ideal, I think. I never got used to not working because it makes me feel too vulnerable to be without an income. If only we could all be independently wealthy, huh? πŸ™‚

  18. 30

    says

    i homeschooled for several years–so I’m all about keeping the kids a round longer if you can. It’s good for them. You can always send them into the jungle later. Haha!
    And having a boss never sat well with me either. Ugh. For the same reasons you mentioned. Plus, writing is my career now and any ither job would get in the way.
    Good luck with those decisons. Whatever you choose will work out fine because you are awesome. (=

  19. 31

    says

    If they are ready I say send them to school— maybe you can find something to work more from home— wouldn’t that be perfect? quiet house? working on your own terms? making tons of money?

    ahhh they say Im a dreamer but Im not the only one …lol

  20. 32

    says

    Send them to school. They will be in the right age group for their class.

    After a few days/weeks you’ll get used to the idea of them being in school and love it that you now have time to invest in something else and not have to wait until you are retired and old (I’m inexperience lol so don’t listen to me on that. hehe. I feel the same way that I’ll miss my kids terribly and wont know what to do. I’m glad mine will be going off one at a time πŸ™‚

    And not all bosses are the same and if you are in a certain situation at work, it’s good to watch yourself how you react under the pressure and what example you’ll set because others are always watching you and do learn…and then you’ll have experience to share with your kids….and even if you go home and cry , it’s alright too. Then of course there are the times you’ll end up with a great boss πŸ™‚ Or be your own boss πŸ™‚

  21. 33

    says

    I say send them to school and go back to school yourself! That way, you’re only gone for part of the day (hopefully the same time they are at school) and you’re home when they are. Think of what you LIKE to do and make a career out of it. One where you can be your own boss, make your own rules and still have the satisfaction of having your own business and earning money.

    That’s my goal………easier said than done Iknow! Good luck in your new adventure, no matter what you decide.

  22. 34

    says

    If waiting a year to send them to school won’t hold them back — I say enjoy the extra time together. Kids grow up too quickly these days anyway. What’s the rush?

    Regarding back to work — I’m stumped there. Though, I’m working on trying to become a SAHM right now so any input I could share would probably be jaded anyway. πŸ™‚

  23. 35

    says

    With regards to your twins, in your heart I think you will know if they are ready or not for school.

    AS for work, I spent 22 years in the corporate world and have no intentions of ever going back. But I do want to have a life beyond the home once my daughter starts school two years from now, for her sake and mine, so I am already thinking about alternatives, doing something that will give back in some way, that makes a positive contribution to people or a worthwhile cause as opposed to just doing things to further line the pockets of the Chief Executives and shareholders of some corporate machine.

  24. 36

    says

    I wish I had an answer for you. I’m already pondering this very question, what will I do after kids? And I’m only 2 years into the first one.

    OK, I lied, I do have an answer. Keep them home another year. Give yourself some time to figure out what’s next for you. There’s no harm in that.

  25. 37

    says

    Well you know you and I have this all in common:) I have talked to the school about putting the girls in kindergarten this fall. They do not make the cutoff but could be enrolled if they pass an exam. I am sure they would pass but I have decided that I am not ready to let them go. I would rather they be older and a bit more mature than the opposite. Not to mention that I am not ready to let them go. I am looking forward to having just the girls home next year. This will be the first time in their lives that will have happened. I don’t want to miss the opportunity:)

  26. 38

    Janet says

    I’ve got so much I could say on this issue that it would probably overload the comment box! I’ll send you an email with the full version, but the condensed version is to look at this not as one big decision, but two somewhat smaller ones that are related, but not necessarily dependent…

    1) Are the twins ready for school?
    2) Are you ready to get a job?

    Answering the first one Yes doesn’t mean the second one has to be Yes too. On top of that, the second one should really be broken into pieces too:

    1) Concerns about the boss’ management style
    2) Concerns about loss of independence
    3) Concerns about how to merge a job with your kids’ continuing needs (the school day isn’t a full 8 hours after all)
    4) Concerns about what you will do if you *don’t* get a job

    1) Can be handled by being picky about what job you take. 2) You might feel independent now, since you’re the boss of the kids and you can choose when to do things and where, but let’s face it… they have a lot of influence on those things. So much that at times they’re really the ones in control. It’s like those white mice in the mazes. We think we’ve got them trained to run the maze. They think they’ve got us trained to give them treats whenever they press a bar! Control and independence are a lot about perspective! As for 3) this is the toughest of all in my opinion. Even part time jobs can be tough to juggle with sick kids or school projects or chorus performance, etc. That’s another thing that can only be handled by being picky on the job and having creative time management skills. 4) HA! You think your time will suddenly free up, but it’s like getting kids out of diapers. You think “Gee – that’s several hundred$$ I’ll be saving every month!” But somehow, when you go to balance the checkbook at the end of the month, that huge windfall you expected just isn’t there! Things will fill your time – trust me! You can volunteer at the school. Be the Homeroom Mom. Help out the office with some copying or whatever. Or maybe find another mom (or two or three) who are sending their youngest off and start a morning book club. Or start a walking club. The possibilities for filling that empty time are almost endless. But I’d bet you’ll find you don’t have nearly as much free time as you expect to. Those hours, just like that money, find a way of being used anyway!

    I’ll give more details in the email, but it’s an issue close to my own heart, so I had to share a little. πŸ™‚

    • 39

      says

      You know I ALWAYS love it when you share, Janet. Your thoughts are always so thorough and walk me through all the scenarios.

      THANK YOU!

  27. 40

    carrie says

    I went through this whole thing with Bendan last year and I am sooo glad I did not put him in..I was so worried I made the wrong decision but I would do it again in a heart beat.

  28. 41

    says

    If the twins are ready, I say send them. When is their birthday? They will probably thrive at school. I have the debate all of the time with myself- go back to work? Stay home? Right now I am staying home b/c that is what is best for our family. I dream of working and having my own “thing”. I think that is why I like blogging so much. It is MINE. And I enjoy doing it. And it gives me a break from just being a SAHM. Of course, I was a teacher so going back to work would require me to be around A LOT of children- not ready for that!

  29. 42

    says

    I always think kids are sent to school too early. Kids will be academically…especially if it is you, who loves them, teaching them. I say, hold em back. Unless you are ready…and you know what I mean by YOU are ready…then cut em loose..
    Such a hard thing. And I have to work and it is crazy because “they” are so caught up in numbers and I could care less…really. So annoying!
    Good luck on your choice!

  30. 43

    Laurie Johnson says

    I say, tell you self you won’t for a little bit. In the end you will do what is best for them, as we all do.:) I try not to think about sending my kids on the bus come the start of school. I will just have my “babies”:)

  31. 44

    says

    I know exactly how you feel – I’m struggling with the decision to return to work or stay home. I too, am a daycare provider. I’ve been home for the past 3 years. I sometimes think I need to go back to work and allow my children to go to a daycare (they are 2 and) and contribute more to the family income. But, the other part of me wants to stay home with my babies and watch (and help!) them grow.

    It’s a hard decision that only God and yourself can make! My hearts says to keep them home until they HAVE to go. Being the youngest in a class can be hard. Maybe wait…. : )

  32. 45

    says

    I think you need to send them to school — when the time come. it is a good way for them to live and socialize with many people.
    I understand how hard to let go a baby (or two). see I just had a baby and still off from work. but soon I will need to go back to office and it frighten me. come on, I will have to leave my 3 months old baby from morning to evening, 5 days a week!
    but I understand that every body has their own perception, and it is you who knows what is best for you and your children.

  33. 46

    Susie's Homemade says

    I didn’t think I could stand it when my kids went to school but then, I started volunteering. I loved taking part in their day and watching them make a life for themselves. I love the “look what I did Mom!”

  34. 48

    says

    are THEY ready. if so, probably send them, no? if you look for a job, consider part time, you can still be there when the kiddos get home…a highly important thing in my book.

  35. 49

    says

    If you are ready to send your kids to Kindergarten – then do so.
    School is a structured (hopefully) which does a lot more for children than teach them the ABC’s and 123’s.

    I spent so much time in kindergarten this year and was amazed to see how some of these children changed over since 9 months, not just my own brilliant daughter. {ahem, jutting out chest right now}.

    As far as working in the corporate world again?? I couldn’t imagine going back to ‘working for the man’ in a traditional environment ever again.

  36. 50

    says

    I’m facing this same issue. My Little One will be 1st grade (full day) so Mr. Jenners is expecting me to return to work at least part-time. I’m having a hard time imagining this now that I’ve gotten used to being at home. I’ll just going to put this off until September and figure it out then.

  37. 52

    says

    Gah! I’m dealing with the same thing here. My daughter has a May 31 bday….so technically she could go to Kindergarten this year, too. But alas, we’ve decided to hold her back. NOT because she’s not ready, because she is. Someone told us a few things to consider would be how old do you want them to be when they a) graduate from HS b) head off to college c) leave the house d) do you want them to be the driver or the drivee?

    And THE FUTURE is why we are holding her back. I know I personally would have benefited from an extra year of life before heading to college. I mean just turning 18 and heading off to dorm life? Wowzers. As you know, a year can make a big difference.

    So that’s what we’ve been talking about. Hope it helps! Being emotional/selfish has won in this household. That and I haven’t met ONE person who has regretted holding their kiddos back. Not one.

  38. 53

    says

    Wow, I know what I would do . . . I’d keep them home forever πŸ˜‰ If I had to be totally honest, that is definitely one reason that I wanted to homeschool. I just adore having my children at home all day. Money is tight, and is about to become a lot tighter, but I can’t imagine going back to work. I hope to someday find something that I can do {from home/on my own schedule} to contribute a little financially, but the thought of being away from home every weekday does not appeal to me in the slightest.

  39. 54

    says

    My friend is dealing with this issue with her daughter and kindergarten. She wants to send her in the fall, whereas her husband wants to wait a year. Intellectually she’s ready, but she’s very shy and afraid to go. It’s a tough decision, but my only advice would be if they have close friends who would be going, that might be a plus to send them this year.

    I work very part time, like 2 Sundays a month and occasionally on a weekday or two. I like that it gets me out of the house, but a lot of times I’m just complaining about it anyway. I suppose it makes me appreciate the time I spend at home though.

    When Soren heads to school, I’m really going to try and earnestly work on having an Etsy shop to sell stuff I make. While we won’t be buying a second home with that income, I’d really like the satisfaction of working for myself. As usual, it’s just finding the motivation to do it!

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