I was stupid. I acted without thinking. And I’ve been upset about the potential consequences ever since.
I was trying to be helpful, but that blew up in my face. I’m pretty sure I’ve learned a valuable lesson here, and perhaps you can too, so I’m sharing the story, even though it clearly illustrates my impetuous
and silly stupid actions.
My older readers know that I moderate on a support site for parents of monoamniotic multiples. It has a relatively small membership base in comparison to other large twin support sites, because monoamniotic twins are so very rare. It’s not a support site you’d just “happen upon” unless you are specifically searching for it.
When I was pregnant with my monoamniotic twins I didn’t know anyone that had been through a pregnancy like mine. I was devastated that I might lose my babies, and I was dying inside knowing I would have to leave my family for an extended hospital stay should my babies survive to viability. I found this support site for parents like me and the information and support the members on the site provided were invaluable to me, especially while I was pregnant. I’ve always wanted to “give back” for that support, and thus, my role on the site now is different and more substantial than it was then.
Recently, a new member joined and just happened to be in the Portland area. She asked about doctors and hospitals and said she would appreciate it if I would call her as she was just. so. worried. I jumped at the chance to help someone locally and dialed her right up (she emailed me her number), even though as a rule, I do.not.use. the phone if I can help it. But that’s a whole different post entirely.
I spoke with her, gave her my two cents and went on my way feeling a little uncomfortable like things just didn’t add up with her. But that didn’t stop me from passing her phone number along to another local monoamniotic mom who could help the woman more than I could. I left for vacation and kept thinking about the phone call. It was weird. Too many variables with red flags. When I returned things got weirder and I started to freak out a little. The woman had called my house repeatedly. Repeatedly. Like 4 times a day. She linked to my blog, she was too present in my business for my comfort. And, I had involved someone else.
I knew I had to tell my husband because at this point I knew without a doubt that she was lying about her monoamniotic pregnancy. She was hanging out at hospitals. She continued to call me and email me and post on the boards of the site I moderate. I felt like my hands were tied because I couldn’t prove she was a faker (HIPPA), it was apparent she was contacting other members, and I was worried about the safety of my children, and others on the site. I didn’t know if she was just a weirdo trying to get attention, or a potentially dangerous psychopath.
Have I mentioned yet that my husband was FURIOUS? Furious. I had to listen to him tell me all the things I already knew and that were eating me alive. And he was absolutely, positively right. With one thoughtless action I had potentially endangered my family. I did it with the best of intentions, but still I did it. I just wasn’t thinking. I didn’t know anything about this woman, and I called her without blocking my number.
This started in late June and finally came to a head last week. I had the proof that was needed to expose her lies (which again, is whole different post) and finally bit the bullet and without actually accusing her of fraud, accused her of fraud. I was nervous doing so because I didn’t know what the backlash would be, but still I did it. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I posted something like this:
“I am very surprised that you had time to edit the photos of your girls while you are still in the hospital recovering from an emergency C-Section.
Just so you know, you should adjust the color in your photos. The hospital where you delivered uses blue disposable surgical scrubs, not green cloth ones.”
Within minutes she had deleted her posts AND her blog.
And no one has heard from her since.
I should have felt nothing but relief, but I’ve felt so much more. Sadness that something was carried so far. Sickness that someone would do something like that. Depression that I was so foolish. In a FUNK because I just don’t want to believe people like this exist and I managed to expose myself to one of them.
Moral of the story? Don’t do what I did. It was stupid. And naive.
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