What do you think? I tried to make it more cohesive since my URL address is angiescircus. Somehow it seems to fall flat, or maybe just a little corny, but, I guess really, who cares?
It’s 2 a.m. and I’ve been laying in bed for over 3 hours trying to sleep. I’m plagued with restless legs. Some say it’s a real affliction, some say it’s bunk. I don’t know what is going on, maybe I have some rare form of hypochondriasm that manifested it’s self tonight in my legs. ha ha. But seriously, I haven’t experienced this since I was pregnant (don’t even think it. I’m not)….with every pregnancy. With the twins it seemed particularly bad though. While I was in the hospital the babies heartrates were monitored 24/7. At around 9 to 11 p.m. the boys had a wake cycle and would go wild. Literally. You should have heard the noise coming from the machine and of course they were impossible to keep on the monitors continuously so the nurses were always in and out. Pulling, tugging, adding more gel, chafing my already rashed out stomach, making me want to scream. Then, as soon as the babies would settle down and it was time for me to settle down and go to sleep, I couldn’t because of my legs. I wanted to go to sleep, needed to go to sleep but just couldn’t. I would lay in my dark room and want to cry. With the touch of a button on my bed I’d turn on the lights, turn them off again, back and forth, back and forth. I wanted the day to be over and for it to be that much closer to my delivery date. I was lonely at night and missed my family and I just wanted to get up and walk…all the way home, but couldn’t. My legs moving, moving as little as possible, but much more than necessary because I couldn’t stop them. Trying not to move anything else because I didn’t want mess up the monitors. Eventually my legs would calm down and I’d almost drift off to sleep. Then my back would start to ache and I’d have to pee for the 75th time. And I’d put on my glasses and look at the clock hoping it was almost morning. But it never was. And every 30 minutes I’d put my glasses back on and look at the clock and hope it was closer to morning than it really was. And then, eventually as with every day, the sun came out. And I’d get my 15 minute shower and it would be like stepping into a whole new world.
Writing this post has been therapeutic because I feel ready to sleep. Despite having really long nights, I still look back on the 10 weeks I was hospitalized with GOOD memories and I’d do it again in a heartbeat because my twinnies fill me up.