Humiliation, thy name is mother.

Some of you may remember this post.
It’s a 6 word description of my life, but really speaks about my life as a mother.

Most days my memoir is
Not what I imagined. Better. More.

Some days it’s
I did not expect. Utter. Humiliation.

Because sometimes being a mother makes for some seriously humiliating situations. I’ve been pooped on, peed on, coughed on, bled on, and had snot wiped all over me. I’ve had personal stories revealed, family secrets exposed and inaccurate information distributed. All humiliating instances I can roll with, but I have to draw the line somewhere, and that line is firmly placed where I’m wearing clothing. Go ahead and embarrass me in public, but PLEASE, make sure I have my clothes on, that I can move all of my limbs, and that there is an escape route. Because I really cannot stop thinking about being exposed to the Banana Republic shoppers in my underclothing on Saturday, with no escape route and my finger wedged in the door hinge. All compliments of my twins. So here is my advice.

Never, ever, ever under any circumstance take your twins into a dressing room with you and park them next to the door, wedging yourself into the room.

Never, ever, ever grab the inside hinge of the door to try to close it when it has been flung open by your children and you are in your underclothing. Because then your wedding ring might get stuck in the hinge when you are trying futilely to close the door and the fitting room attendant tries to help. And then you’d be stuck in your under clothing right by the mirror that reflects down the whole dressing room with no way to close the door and no where to hide.

Just then, you might be mortified. And want to crawl into a hole and WISH you were having a nightmare.

And if I were you, I’d stick to trying on bathing suits when you are alone. You just never know.

 

Comments

  1. 2

    jeremiahrjones says

    I promise you, if your story did not make me anxious for you to the point of nausea, I would be rolling on the floor laughing my head off.

    As it is, I have to say, “You poor, poor thing…”

    …and remind you what you have said about your horrifically bad luck in the past. Do you know if the store has security cameras?

    Bear with me here (that’s “bear,” not “bare”)…

    …did you ask to destroy any tapes they might have had rolling? I’m just saying–and excuse the paranoia–who’d want to live with the possibility of that making it onto youtube?

    ;)

    (I’ll go check right now, just to make sure. I’ll send you the link later.)

  2. 12

    Threeundertwo says

    I used to take my twins into those big handicap-access dressing rooms.

    Oh my. There but for the grace of God go I.

  3. 27

    Robin says

    Oh dear…

    At least you’ve got a great figure. If it were me they’d have me carted away for sure!

  4. 28

    Brooke says

    oh, so sorry that happened to you. Like robin said however, at least you have a nice figure! Those little boys are trouble!

  5. 29

    Motherhood for Dummies says

    oh ha ha I am sooooo sorry! Yea… I am worried about shopping when Lucy gets older. I have babysat neices and nephews too many times and have taken them to the mall and have had them fling open that curtain to ask questions right when pants are coming off…. FUN :)

  6. 30

    Cecily R says

    Oh. My. Gosh!!!! Tomorrow, or maybe next year, when you are ready to laugh about this one (and you will), call me. I’ll laugh with you heartily. Today, I am just cringing with the rest of your commenters…

  7. 31

    Laura says

    Oh my! I have had my bathroom door opened and my fitting room too but to have to call someone to get your finger out that beats all! That IS the stuff nightmares are made of for sure!

  8. 32

    Mama's Losin' It says

    Ah hah ha haha hahahah ahahaha. Inhale. Ah hahah ahaha hahahah ahaha. Wipe tear.

    That’s just too good to be real. Why couldn’t I have been there for that. Oh man. You poor thing. This is why I do my swimsuit shopping from the safety of my computer. This is why.

  9. 34

    Jaime says

    Wow, how awful!!! I can’t even imagine how embarrassed you must have been. Or what the store employee must have been thinking!

  10. 38

    Jocasta says

    Oh Angie – I don’t know what to say! Poor you but it’s also incredibly funny. I suggest as well that you never let those boys forget this one!

  11. 39

    Jessica says

    Well look on the bright side. It makes for a great story, and it is pretty funny. Oh the things motherhood takes us through. I think it’s great that you even attempted to try on bathing suits with twin boys:)…

  12. 40

    Stephanie says

    I bought mine online this year! It saved me from the agony of trying on, and from the horrific experience you encountered! But, did you get a suit?

  13. 41

    Laurie says

    Angie~
    Please know that this has happened to all of us in some way or another. Mine just happend to be the bathroom stall that my kids LOVE to open when I am going potty or better yet sticking their head under to say hi to person next to you in a stall. I have to admit that I was laughing. I love how you wrote this. It happens to most of us.
    I bet it seemed like 5 minutes too that you were standing there exposed, but it may have been a minute? I hope!

  14. 42

    Kristin says

    Oh. My. Word. I make it a habit never to try anything on period, except in the solitude of my own home. I’d rather return stuff.

  15. 43

    Colleen says

    Okay Ang, I cannot stop laughing, especially since I know how sexy that underclothing really is :)!! I am so sorry this had to happen to you though! You are such a great sport. Just know, that none of those people will probably ever see that side of you again, or so we hope! :)

  16. 44

    jenni anne says

    oh no, angie. you have taught us all a valuable lesson about shopping with our kids. just. don’t.

  17. 45

    Crazymamaof6 says

    i’ve sadly had that happen (not the ring but the door flung open.) and all the while my kids are saying MOM YOUR BUTT IS SO BIG! why are you trying that on? no good. i agree, leave the kidlets home when shopping for yourself. dang it!

  18. 46

    Churchill says

    Oh my goodness… I am sorry that you had to learn that lesson so that rest of us would not suffer such humiliation.

  19. 47

    Are You Serious! says

    ♡ Wow! The only thing I can say is I’m so sorry! I would have just died!!! And then hope that I NEVER saw any of those people EVER again!

  20. 48

    Shannon says

    Oh my…that mom-story takes the cake. I was bra shopping with my 3 little ones today and now I’m envisioning what it would have been like if one had popped open the door while I was topless. I’m not all that modest but being stuck in the door and needing someone to help while in my skivies would be a different story.Too funny!

  21. 49

    angie says

    I wasn’t trying on a swim suit……I just threw that out there, because what if? If I had been topless I would have been beyond MORTIFIED.

  22. 50

    Bonnie says

    Oh, my gosh!!!!!I am so sorry that happened to you. I agree with Jeremy. I would be laughing if I didn’t feel your pain so accutely.

  23. 51

    carrie & troy keiser says

    Holy. Cow. my eyes grew and grew as I read down this post! That. Would. Be. Terrible.

  24. 52

    Jaysi says

    This is too funny. I hope you had on your “good” underclothing. That term is relative once you have children. I think this has convinced me that not trying on and returning is the better option.

  25. 53

    Casey's trio says

    Thanks for this! I needed a laugh this morning:) I don’t think I can take the girls into a dressing room with me because their all the other customers would get an earful of munchkin voices commenting on mommy’s big boobies and stinky butt!

  26. 54

    VE says

    That’s funny….I’m going right down to Old Navy and wait by the dressing rooms…just kidding. I once did a post on the design of mens rooms and the fact that they ALWAYS put the urinal right within direct view when the door is open. Oh, and my 6 word memoir was “What the hell was he thinking”.

  27. 55

    Kelly says

    Angie,

    Thank goodness for you. This had me laughing. (Wouldn’t be funny if it was me, however…) ;o)

  28. 56

    Crazy Daisy says

    Oh goodness! I’m so sorry that I’m laughing! I would feel the same as you if it happened to me!

  29. 57

    Melissa says

    Oh man, I can’t even believe that. Well at least you weren’t naked. They’re going to be so sorry when they’re about our age! If you wait a while they’ll do some serious apologizing.

  30. 59

    My name is Tammie says

    Oh Angie! I am dying laughing but also feeling terribly sorry for you! You poor thing!

  31. 63

    Leslie says

    I can’t stop laughing. Only because I know, from personal experience, what kind of things happen when you take your twin boys into the dressing room to try things on. I never had an impromtu modeling show, but I did have one of them fall off a little ladder that happened to be stuck in a corner of the dressing room and get a loose tooth and a cut lip, with blood all over and me half naked.

  32. 64

    Alaina says

    This is exactly why I buy the swimsuits and take them home to try them on. Well… maybe not exactly because I don’t have twin boys… but man those lights are brutal to fair skin!

  33. 65

    Jeremiah R. Jones says

    So many post comments. Nobody. Reads.

    :)

    I try on my swimsuit in the store and don’t worry about being seen topless…

    …oh, that’s right, you weren’t trying on a bathing suit. That was a hypothetical, was it not?

  34. 67

    Taya says

    Oh, it’s a nightmare come true! Hopefully you weren’t wearing granny panties that day! Not that it matters! My kids usually sing at the top of their lungs “I see London, I see France….”

  35. 68

    Laurie says

    I will add my cringe to the rest. the joy of motherhood? Right up there with potty training. I am so sorry and I totally agree about no kids in dressing rooms above the age of 1. Keep smiling, and find a new store:)

  36. 69

    Sarah says

    Just picked myself off the floor! This is hilarious and I can only imagine the the panic you were feeling. I am so sorry. But this will be a great story to share with your boys down the road…oh the embarassing things we all endure!

  37. 70

    MamaBriggs says

    Omg, I stumbled onto u’r blog via Tonya’s, a day in my life. I have twin boys who are 20 months old and u’r story made me laugh and also made me cringe in horror. U r too funny!!!

  38. 71

    Rhea says

    There is no trying on clothing at ALL with kids. It just isn’t a good idea. I learned that…slowly, over time. This was hilarious, and yes, I’m laughing at you, I’m sorry. :o)

  39. 72

    LisaPetrarcaBlog says

    The joys of motherhood…we learn to have no shame! LOVE IT!

    Congratulations on being the featured Blogger!!!

  40. 73

    Jennifer P. says

    All I can say is that at least you weren’t in a bathtub of some sorts–that might be a little more embarassing :)!

    Basque in the comment love that is your SITS feature day!!!

  41. 74

    Melissa Lester says

    I guess you really might want to see if there is a security tape that needs to be destroyed now that you are a famous blogger. Congrats on SITS!

  42. 76

    trashalou says

    What happened when you woke up?

    WHAT! It wasn’t a nightmare? Oh. You might need think about therapy ;-)

  43. 77

    Karol says

    Seriously? Wow. I’m in shock. I would’ve bawled like a baby, then got dressed and ran like hell.

    *Congrats on the SITS feature!

  44. 78

    wehave9 says

    LOL..too funny! I hate it most when you take your kids into a bathroom stall of a public restroom with you and they make comments on your body, ask why there is a string…or peek at others under the wall and say hello! Congrats on your bloggy love today!

  45. 79

    Angela says

    But aren’t you thankful it gave you something to blog about? Okay, maybe not… :) So funny because it didn’t happen to me! Thank you for sharing!

  46. 81

    SuburbanCorrespondent says

    Yup, that would rank right up there with all the nightmares I’ve ever had of showing up to school naked.

  47. 82

    Heather says

    Congrats on being so Saucy! Your blog is great, your children are adorable, and your writing draws the reader (said, me) right in.

    Have a great day!

  48. 97

    Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life says

    That is soooo one of those things that unites us moms and that Dads NEVER understand…could you see DH in the dressing room in HIS skivvies…LOL…now that would be funny!!

  49. 99

    Melanie says

    This is why I had no clothes that looked really good on me when my kids were all smaller. I could forsee the future if I tried and wasn’t tempting fate. I so feel for you.

  50. 102

    Katy Lin :) says

    oh.my.word.!!!! i cannot imagine the anger!

    on a lighter note! happy SITS day! :) love your blog!

  51. 103

    Sherri - KaysvilleMomma says

    Sending you SITS love!!!

    This post reminds my of a time when I took my kids in the dressing room with me and I was trying to find a bra. Micayla was getting sick of waiting and yelled, “No more boobs! No more boobs!!”

  52. 118

    EmBee says

    Personal clothes shopping should be a ‘zen’ experience. One you may take part in with an older daughter perhaps but a set of young twins? I admire your bravery but question your sanity.
    :-D

  53. 119

    Lynne says

    Congrats on your SITS feature! This post was very funny! It had me laughing out loud! haha! All is a days work as a mom, right?
    Very cute blog too!

  54. 121

    Heather says

    Oh, I’ve so been there! I was trying on a two piece bridesmaid’s dress at a David’s Bridal, alone with my then almost-two-year-old in the dressing room that only had a curtain separating it from the main store floor, and she decided to make a break for it. Mind you, I was wearing an ill-fitting skirt (the samples don’t really come in many sizes, alas) and NOTHING from the waist up but an even more ill-fitting halter-style top. It was only on me by the neck – so think of it as a small, taffeta, “mystic purple” bib, not even a dickey, rather than an actual top. What to do? I clutched at the top with one hand and DOVE after her. She was fast and I was hindered somewhat by the imminent boobs a’ blazin’ situation and the too-small skirt, so she made it a good 15 or 20 feet out into the store before I snagged her. Then she started squirming to get away, transforming my bib into a cape with her wriggling.

    Eep.

    I wish I could say that the store was empty, but alas. Two families were gathered to watch their brides-to-be try on gowns not more than three feet from where I stood, badly fitting skirted, boobs a’ blazin’ and red faced, clutching at my red faced and squalling toddler. Two entire, multigenerational families. Menfolk included. (Seriously, who brings Dad and Grandpa along to look for wedding dresses, anyhow? My dad wanted NO part of that malarkey for any of us three girls!)

    I used my daughter as a shield – and she helpfully pulled and pinched at my chest area while pitching her temper tantrum – and made my way back to the dressing room as quickly as I could. I got dressed and left the store in record time. Went home and ordered the dress online, making the best guess I could at the size. I figured paying for alterations would be easier than returning to that store again, ever. Thank goodness that was the last of my girlfriends to get married – I don’t think I’ll ever have to be a bridesmaid again!

    So, in summary, I feel your pain!!! Motherhood – humiliation at its finest!

    Cheers!

  55. 122

    Dana says

    I can totally understand the humiliation that only motherhood can provide. I have long ago quit trying things on all together. I just buy and try on at home where there is less chance for disaster. Trust me, it’s so much easier to just return items if necessary!

  56. 123

    mrsbear0309 says

    Bypass the registers, do not pass go, do not collect your purchases. That would have sworn me off of shopping for a while. At least at Banana Republic.

  57. 126

    Maternal Mirth says

    At least it wasn’t you hubby that provided peeps with the semi-nudie show … like mine did.

    BTW – I never take my kids clothes shopping. The potential for embarassment is high, not to mention the whining…

  58. 127

    Mekhismom says

    This post has to be one of the funniest that I have ever read. I am still laughing. My little one is too young to embarrass me in this way but when he is older I am NOT taking him clothes shopping!

  59. 128

    Vicki says

    I hate taking my kids, well, my youngest kid, into the dressing room. This is when she decides she’s had enough and begins to scream at the top of her lungs. And I’m trying on one of those tops/dresses that you have to shimmy and shake over your head to get it on. And it gets stuck because I’ve started perspiring because of the screaming. And then I have to pull and shimmy even harder to get it back off and then I hear a rip. And the screaming is still going on.

  60. 129

    Jen Edwards says

    SO, by the end of that visit, I bet you and the BR clothing person are “good” friends!

    THanks for the heads up!
    I have a little monster of my own!
    Take Care,
    Jen

  61. 130

    MomMega says

    Yikes! I can’t even imagine! Well, I knda can because my son decided to pull off my bikini top at the beach, but still…the ring in the door? Oh, it is all too much!!

  62. 132

    Kimberly says

    Here from SITS!
    I can only imagine this horror for you! My heart started to constrict when I read this! :) I just got all nervous for you! Its just too much crazy-ness!

  63. 133

    Trenches of Mommyhood says

    Found you thru the SITS gals! I am QUITE familiar with shopping experiences-gone-wrong–as I have 3 young boyz!

  64. 135

    Jenni says

    I have one capable of this kind of embarrassment, I can’t imagine what she could do with an accomplice!

  65. 136

    Sonya says

    Happy SITS day!! I can’t imagine the embarrassment. I get this with ONE child, I can’t imagine with twins! :) I would never get any new clothes!

  66. 137

    Cristin says

    The thought of seeing myself in a bathing suit is frightening enough let alone anyone else seeing me!!

  67. 138

    Adiel says

    Noted. If I ever have children, I will not do that.

    This reminds me one time of being at the mall, waiting for my boyfriend at the time to try on jeans. In the room next to him was a couple with a child that was screaming at the top of his lungs. At first, he was opening and closing the door and revealing the man in various states of undress. Finally the woman stood with her back against the door but the child kept trying to claw his was under the woman’s legs and under the fitting room door. It didn’t matter how many times, she deny his freedom, he kept trying to escape, all the while screaming.

    So, you’re not alone in your troubles.

    Happy SITS day!

  68. 139

    Mrs. Parks says

    ACCCCK! The dressing room is a constant setting of my worst nightmares on a good day, but to throw twins into the mix is almost more than I can handle!
    I am scared, yet laughing and will never be able to walk by another dressing room without counting the number of little feet :)

  69. 140

    Perez Family Spot says

    I feel your pain. Imagine a McDonalds play area restroom. Birthday party table in front of that restroom door. Trying to pee when my 1yr old and 3yr old who happened to open the door exposing me to the McDonalds public AND kids ran out the door. I left HUMILIATED! I will never do anything private in public again…

  70. 141

    Gina says

    Oh. My. Nellyness!
    There are certain places I just don’t go with my 5 kids. The mall is #2- right after Pier 1 Imports.
    Happy SITS Day.

  71. 142

    Melissa says

    So, this one time at Wal-Mart….Seriously. You’ve got to love children and their total lack of discretion. I always try to use the family restroom with my 3, but you have got to love the times when you have to cram four people into one of those little stalls just so you can go….and then comes the phrase…”P.U. mommy that stinks or mommy, why are you putting a diaper on your panties?” I’m sure one day, this will all be a very distant, hilarious memory….until then…you have my sympathies!
    Great post!

  72. 143

    Party of 5 says

    Oh my lord I am so sorry. I would of been the one to run over to try to “cover” you so that others couldn’t see.

    Enjoy your SITS day.

  73. 145

    Autumn says

    Holy moly… I totally just busted out laughing reading that at work.

    Um…er… but it was a laugh of empathy, I promise!

  74. 146

    justjuli says

    Wow! Sure beats any dressing-room story I’ve ever had.
    :) As if trying on outfits in those little rooms isn’t awkward enough!

  75. 147

    Ronnica says

    How embarrassing! I don’t have any kids, so fortunately haven’t had anything quite like this happen to me yet…

  76. 148

    Peggy says

    All mothers have a story to tell, don’t we? Just wait until you’re telling the one about them sneaking out at night. I have one of those and it ain’t pretty.

  77. 152

    Rhea says

    Congrats on your SITS day in the sun! I love this story. I’m sorry you were exposed, but it makes awesome reading. lol

  78. 154

    Simply Stork says

    Yes I realize that everyone and their mother saw me at my worst when I was giving birth…but who really wants to be seen in a dressing room doing just that…trying to dress!!!!!

    funny post :o)

    ~simply~

  79. 156

    EmmaP says

    too funny. the good news is you LIVED!!!!! and i would probably stay clear of the Banana Republic for a while. BTW, you know you are so making their employee christmas party “Top 10 Store Surveliance Camera Incidents”!!!

    hahahahahahahahahahahaha

  80. 157

    ugagirl30 says

    My girls do this to me in bathroom stalls. Always so nice. I am constantly saying, do not open that door until Mommy is dressed. Not that that stops them.

  81. 160

    Creative Junkie says

    omg. if that ever happened to me, just shoot me and get it over with – it would be less painful.

  82. 161

    misty says

    This is the reason why I never try on clothes at the store. lol. I tried it once, with my daughter. And I knew immediately that things were about to go wrong, so I didn’t even attempt it… we got rigt back out of the dressing room.

  83. 163

    SBelle says

    Happy SITS day. I was in Gap Kids once with my little Lorelai (who is now soon to be 18) and she was misbehaving so that I grabbed her by the hand and marched out of the store through the mall only to realize about five minutes later that I had two shirts thrown over my arm that I had intended to purchase. Miraculously, no alarms sounded and no guards came running to cart me off to the clink. I took the shirts back down to the store and was SO completely embarrassed. Thank goodness the store clerks were understanding.

  84. 165

    Camille; Ponytail Challenge says

    THE WORST!!!!
    I love how you wrote this as if it wasn’t you…..
    A very good read- you wrote a big story in a small space- very impressive.

  85. 168

    Mamasphere says

    Oh my word! How awful! But hopefully, because you have shared your story, I will be more aware of where I let me kid sit when I drag her into a dressing room with me.

  86. 172

    Kat says

    Oh my. I think that wins. My issue when my kids were little was getting them to leave doors alone when I had to go potty. So they usually wanted to look under the stall and see who was next to us.

  87. 178

    Michelle says

    Oh you poor dear. I have to admit that I don’t think I’ve ever taken my two wee ones shopping where I’d have to remove my hand from theirs for more than three seconds ever. Thanks for reminding me why!

    And congrats on being featured!

  88. 179

    Karen says

    Over from SITS.

    Oh dear, that brings back so many memories. My two youngest are twins.

    Dressing rooms then, tended to just have curtains strung across in front of them. I had one embarrassing incident, where they yanked on the curtains and pulled the whole lot down, including the curtain rod. I was trying a pair of jeans on at the time, so I suppose it could have been worse!

    Laughter will get you through alot, trust me :-)

  89. 181

    AFRo says

    Well I see everyone made it to your party today. It’s my responsibility (self appointed) to check in on things and make sure they are all behaving. *wink*wink*

    I cannot even fathom standing there in my beautiful bareness waiting on someone to help me get out of the door. I bet you were ready to strangle the little ones by the end of the ordeal.

  90. 182

    Cambiel says

    LOL I know it must have been hugely embarrassing but you tell it so wickedly funny I cannot stop giggling! Kids! Gotta love ‘em :-)

  91. 184

    Susie says

    It’s so hard not to laugh when embarrasing moments occur-especially when it’s not me.
    LMAO!
    You poor thing though. I feel your pain. LOVE THE POST!
    have to admit, am a little jealous cuz this is my favorite circus and 135 saw this first! WOW~!!!!!GO ANGIE!!!!!!!!!

  92. 185

    Hot Tub Lizzy says

    See – this is why stores need daycare centers

    (Major shout out to IKEA)

    And mY favorite is when you take them into the bathroom with you at a store and they holler “MOMMY – WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING????????????”

  93. 187

    Caroline says

    Oh my heavens! That would be a nightmare of the utmost proportions, and the public doesn’t need to see my utmost proportions thank you very much.

  94. 190

    Karin @ 6ByHisDesign says

    Wow!

    I have twins, too. But I threaten them within inches of their lives that if they even peak UNDER the door (to the other gal dressing…or undressing) that it’ll be the end of them. I never even IMAGINED them sharing their mother with the world!

    Yikes!
    Definitely a blog moment.

  95. 192

    Cookie Brochette says

    Ack!! It’s the ol’ take-your-kids-into-a-dressing-room nightmare come true. I’m so sorry. (But I still chuckled a bit. I’m laughing *with* you!)

    Cookie B.
    Lightbulb Cuisine

  96. 193

    Elisa says

    Wow. That's one of my worst nightmares. And one of the reasons why I am not a huge online shopping fan.

  97. 194

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