In honor of my birthday, I thought I’d talk about my dad and me. Or is it my dad and I?
My dad and I have had a running competition since I was born, really, over who can one up whom on April Fool’s Day. I suppose my dad didn’t think it was very funny when I was born in the truck in a snow storm, compelling him to deliver me himself, so ever since, he’s been trying to get back at me.
This year he did something that he’s never done before and I’ve been laughing about it since yesterday.
He sent me this really sweet birthday card. The words on it actually made me want to cry they were so touching about what I great daughter I’ve been and what a wonderful woman I’ve grown into. BUT, the card was empty. My dad has never in his life sent me a birthday card without a check inside. I looked in the envelope, I looked on the floor. I looked in the envelope again and then checked to make sure it wasn’t in the card. Again. They I almost texted my sister to tell her that my dad had stiffed me, but decided that I was too old to behave that way. Instead I called my husband at work and asked him if my dad had sent HIM money for his birthday this year. Of course he had. I shrugged my shoulders and wondered to myself if:
1. My dad was getting senile
2. If he stiffed me on purpose because I’ve been very undutiful lately and call way too infrequently.
It wasn’t until HOURS later that it dawned on me that he had pulled off a pretty successful April Fool’s prank.
And I’ve been laughing about it ever since.
Even though in order to pull of the prank he had to you, you know, stiff me.
Here’s a few other whoppers from years past:
My dad’s greatest prank was carried out on my 17th Birthday. There’s not a delicate way to say this so I’ll just spit it out. We had rats. Not the pet kind. The kind that live in your garage and work their way into your house and terrorize your children. My plans for the day were a surprise. Unknown to me, Jeff had planned to take me to Disneyland (yep, we started dating in high school) and not to be outdone, my dad planned a grand farewell. For when I opened the front door to leave, there were 17 dead rats (well, maybe not 17) staring me in the face eye through the screen door. Oh yes, he didn’t just string them up haphazardly by their tails, he strung them so I couldn’t miss them. I peed my pants. Almost. And then I started thinking, and I came up with a prank of my own.
The execution was simple. I just crossed the street and had my neighbor call my dad and tell him she was a school counselor and a concocted story. Linda told my dad that she was calling because I hadn’t gone to school in two months and I was failing all of my subjects (pretty shocking considering I was a good student). The hard part was listening in on the line, trying not to laugh, and counting the seconds as the silence dragged on. And it did. He was speechless. And not in a good way. I could almost see the steam coming out of his ears through the line. I got a little scared. He was not the type to freak out, but I really didn’t know what he’d do when he saw me. He assured the school counselor that he’d “take care of it”, I waited a few minutes and then walked home. He was waiting in the front yard for me, and he was so angry his face looked mottled. I did some fast talking, and the rest is history.
He got me back by having a stroke on my 30th birthday. I’m still thinking of a good retaliation.
And, it’s never too late to send that check, dad.