First Kiss, Precious Gift

Our first kiss was unexpected.
It was surreal.
It was one of the most beautiful feelings I had ever experienced.

You might think that this was my first baby. But it wasn’t. My most memorable first kiss belonged to my last born, my 5th child. I remember it most vividly because I didn’t take it for granted like I did with my first three.

Emotionally, I was a different person than I had been before, and I’d realized that getting pregnant doesn’t guarantee a healthy baby 9 months later. It was different because I didn’t actually believe that my babies had been delivered, alive, until that moment.

As I lay on the operating table getting put back together, I heard their cries, but they were in unison so I thought something terrible had happened to my last, my John. I know why I thought John must be the silent one but I was wrong, so wrong.

He was the “healthy” one…..as healthy as a 33 weeker can be, and he was the first to be brought to me. Before the surgery I had resigned myself to not being able to touch or hold my babies, so it was an unexpected gift, a granting of something I can’t define when the neonatalogist brought me John. I kissed him and knew that my life had changed forever. He was itty bitty. So tiny, yet seemed so robust. For the first time in months I felt a real glimmer of hope. I felt sure that I would actually bring my boys home, despite the odds.

When Jacob was brought to me the kiss was different. It was a kiss of understanding. A kiss that seemed to know that he was ill and would have a harder road to travel than his brother.

But John’s kiss…….that was the kiss that told me everything would be alright, that our lives had been changed forever.

I’m thankful for that first kiss, a precious gift I’ll always hold dear.

©2008 Seven Clown Circus. All Rights Reserved.

Comments

  1. 2

    Shannon says

    Good post! I ALSO didn’t believe that my boys would be healthy and okay until they were born and I could see it with my own eyes. There is something nerve wracking about “scheduling” a section and knowing there is a chopper on the roof of the hospital waiting for something to go wrong. Our hospital didn’t have a NICU and the buddies would have been air-lifted to Charlotte. Everything was okay. I need to post their birth story for everyone soon.

  2. 3

    Molly says

    I was a worry wart my whole pregnancy after losing my first, and when Ned came and they handed him to me, it was like I was holding a little piece of Heaven. Sheer bliss.

    Glad you have these first kiss memories.

  3. 4

    Threeundertwo says

    What a sweet post! We nearly lost my little Jungle Boy so I know exactly what you’re talking about. When they held his fat little face up to mine, I knew I could breathe again and the world would be alright.

    Thanks for helping me relive that moment.

  4. 5

    kristen says

    What a beautiful post! I often revisit the day Leah was born and try to remember every detail. I have journaled about it because I don’t want time to diminish any of the memories.

    I long to experience a first kiss again.

  5. 6

    Tash says

    What a bright moment in your memory. I love tender baby stories. What about the others…Do you have some post for explanation?

  6. 7

    Melissa says

    Isn’t it amazing how these little people change our lives and make us appreciate the small things like a kiss?

  7. 8

    Laurie says

    Very sweet! What a gift you have. I am glad you share your talent in writing with us. You have a wonderful ability to paint your pictures and tell your tales.

  8. 10

    Kacey Randolph says

    What a beautiful story Angie. You made me cry and re-visit the birth of the twins. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately with their first birthday approaching. A part of me feels really guilty because I won’t watch their birth video – it was such a scary moment for me not knowing if they would be alright – but Ryder’s was such a joy. Thanks for letting me know its alright to feel differently about each experience. You really made a difference in my day today. Thanks. They are all such fantastic gifts no matter how we first met.

  9. 11

    Lala says

    So sweet..
    I love the way you right. Makes you feel like your right there in the OR watching it all happen. Kudos to Kisses!

  10. 12

    the schirano triplets says

    oh my gosh, what a beautiful post angie. it hit me right in the heart and brought tears to my eyes and goosebumps to my arms.

  11. 13

    Rachel says

    How tender is this post! Like I needed to get all welled up first thing this morning. :)
    You did a great job.

  12. 14

    Live.Love.Eat says

    Wow angie. So sweet this is. Makes me sad for mommies who go through the things we take for granted but happy that they were both OK.

  13. 15

    Jaysi says

    *Tears* Great post Angie!! I love that you were able to take that in. I am so happy that you have happy, healthy, crazy, ornery boys now!! What a blessing!

  14. 16

    4 Little Men and Twins says

    although our twins aren’t momo ti is so much different than carrying one… so many more risks. What a wonderful moment that must have been…

    brittany

  15. 17

    mannequin says

    Aw Angie… I can ONLY imagine that first kiss. Like others here, I must tell you that this one brought tears (of joy and lots other things) to my eyes.

    Simply beautiful. What a special story. This belongs in an a baby album for him to read years from now.

  16. 20

    Shannon says

    Of course I got weepy. It doesn’t help that I was in that exact same position the day before. What memories and what a special kiss!

  17. 23

    Mekhismom says

    I have read several of the first kiss entries written by other bloggers but I have to say that yours has touched me the most. What a beautiful story.

  18. 25

    Octamom says

    This is so powerful–and what a blessing that someone was able to get a pic for you, even in the midst of the surgery and the twins’ medical situation–awesome.

    Blessings!

  19. 26

    Helene says

    Awww, what a beautiful post!!! It was very moving and heart warming! The picture brings tears to my eyes!! I think your son will feel very special when he hears this story someday!

  20. 28

    Zen Ventures says

    oohh I think I’m gonna cry…bu hu hu! It brought a lot of memories when my own baby was born. It’s that picture perfect moment when she was held by her dad and tearing up with joy next to me (all drugged up and nauseous). Can someone hand me a kleenex please…

  21. 29

    Munchkins and Music says

    I really liked this post. The memories came flooding back of my births.
    In fact, I always like your posts!

  22. 30

    Stephanie says

    This is so special. Your memories and writing of the moment are amazing.

    I remember the first cries in the OR. Relieving. But the fear and the long wait were not over.

    Thank God for first kisses and many more that have followed :)

  23. 32

    Scribbit says

    With my first pregnancy it never occurred to me that anything could go wrong, it wasn’t until my last that I fully appreciate the miracle of it all. I guess you feel so immortal when you’re young you don’t notice danger when it happens.

  24. 33

    Susie says

    John is a superhero after all! Inspiring hope and helping his brother….what a sweet post. I’m singing Faith Hill’s song in my head right now-”this kiss”

    You write in pictures with a sweetness I can almost taste! I love this blog.

  25. 34

    Jessica says

    I am so teary right now. How beautiful!!! I love that you can recall all the details, and go back to that moment. I am so glad they are both healthy and thriving after all you went through in your pregnancy!

  26. 35

    tinabean1988 says

    That was written so beautifully.
    I think that there are a lot of us moms out there that can totally relate to that 1st kiss.
    I know I can.

  27. 37

    latree says

    I remember my first kiss with Ar Ir. they make me goose bumped. they were so small and red and wrinkly. Alhamdulillah they are all healthy now, and John and Jacob are too.

    I’m done with my post about raising twin and not twin. I will learn about yours through your posts.

  28. 38

    justjuli says

    What a sweet, sweet post.
    I can’t think of anything else to say – still too affected.

    have a wonderful weekend!

  29. 83

    Mekhismom says

    Angie – My first month anniversary was yesterday. You seem surprised, do I come across as a more experienced blogger? : )

  30. 84

    My name is Tammie says

    Oh that is so sweet! It has me getting teary. What an incredible gift you have been given with those sweet boys.

  31. 86

    Carolina Mama says

    Oh that is so sweet. I just love it. Like Shannon, I am reminded to blog our twin birth story. we’ll keep you posted. This was great!

  32. 88

    WheresMyAngels says

    What a sweet post. I know I didn’t kiss my first, I kept looking at her and she was blue and I was freaking out. I should of kissed her but I had just turned 22 (that day) and was young in my mind also. My second girl, can’t remember. I know I kissed the last one.

  33. 90

    Melissa says

    So true. I’m glad you have that. It’s great you’re writing it down too so these boys can read this.
    So important.

  34. 92

    Annette Piper says

    I remember being so absolutely relieved when my girls were out – finally I had some control about looking after them! Multiples are SO special :)

  35. 94

    Carrie and Troy Keiser says

    Angie- how very touching. What an emotional roller coaster of emotions you you must have gone through in those 33 weeks. What a precious gift!

  36. 95

    girlytwins says

    So beautifully written. I can so remember the anxiety I felt as my girls were being born. It as a precious miracle.

  37. 96

    GoteeMan says

    How precious! When my first son was born, I was alone with him in the recovery room for an hour and a half before Kim was out of surgery, and they didn’t even bring in grandparents or anything… It was awesome to just hold him, talk to him and just enjoy him for that time…

    Very special..

    J/

  38. 98

    Kayla says

    I love this story. I know the feeling well. My first baby was born at 34 weeks, and they did let me kiss and hold her but not even for 2 minutes! It was very special and I will always remember that, even 8 years later I still rember it like it was yesterday!

  39. 100

    Mama's Losin' It says

    I had that kiss with Laina. Bringing babies into the world is the most wonderful emotion I’ve ever been blessed enough to experience…but Laina’s first kiss was just a little different…

  40. 103

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