I’m terrible at letting things go, letting them take their own path and leaving things up to fate. Up to God. I’m just plain terrible at it.
You see, I’m kind of a control freak. Not in the everything-must-be-perfect-and-in-its-right-place kind of control freak. You would know that if you’ve ever seen my house. No, I’m the kind of control freak who likes to believe that I have control over every situation and every aspect of my life. That there’s something I can do to get things moving in the right direction. Or what I feel is the right direction.
Take trying to have a baby for instance. Hubby and I practice, practice, practice. We plan. I chart and monitor and determine the best timing. I
scour the internet looking for tips and clues to increase our chances of conceiving. I’m searching for the one thing that will tip the scales in our favor. The one missing link that will turn our dreams into reality. But even with all of our best intentions, with all of my research, there’s only so much that we can do. There is no magic bullet. There is no missing link. It’s all out of my hands.
Learning to let go, to trust that things are the way they should be and to trust that the future will be the way that it should be (not necessarily the way I want it to be) is a constant struggle. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. Instead, I carry everything around on my shoulders, refusing to let go, refusing to let life run its course. Oh man, do my shoulders ache.
So I’ve challenged myself to learn how to be patient. Not the kind of patience required for life with a kiddo. He’s pretty easy most of the time. Except for those meal-time tantrums which my husband is way better at handling, amongst other things. No, I have a new view that helps me take our day-to-day life in stride, and actually enjoy and cherish those moments.
I’m talking about being patient with my life. Allowing it to unfold in front of me at the right speed (even if that seems painstakingly slow at the time), instead of forcing it to move too quickly. Being patient with my body, and letting it determine when the right time is to add to our little family. Being patient with God, since he has the master plan. And most importantly, learning to let go, to give the things in life that I can’t control over to God, and letting Him show me the way. Trust that things will work out the way that they should, and be happy and content with that.
Now, if only there was a switch to make this happen.
When Allison at Alli ‘n Son finds that switch, I’m hoping I’m the first on her “to call” list. In the meantime, I think I’ll try to be patient with my life as well!
*And don’t forget that a little comment love goes a long way in winning a few of my favorite things!