I’m terrible at letting things go, letting them take their own path and leaving things up to fate. Up to God. I’m just plain terrible at it.
You see, I’m kind of a control freak. Not in the everything-must-be-perfect-and-in-its-right-place kind of control freak. You would know that if you’ve ever seen my house. No, I’m the kind of control freak who likes to believe that I have control over every situation and every aspect of my life. That there’s something I can do to get things moving in the right direction. Or what I feel is the right direction.
Take trying to have a baby for instance. Hubby and I practice, practice, practice. We plan. I chart and monitor and determine the best timing. I
scour the internet looking for tips and clues to increase our chances of conceiving. I’m searching for the one thing that will tip the scales in our favor. The one missing link that will turn our dreams into reality. But even with all of our best intentions, with all of my research, there’s only so much that we can do. There is no magic bullet. There is no missing link. It’s all out of my hands.
Learning to let go, to trust that things are the way they should be and to trust that the future will be the way that it should be (not necessarily the way I want it to be) is a constant struggle. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. Instead, I carry everything around on my shoulders, refusing to let go, refusing to let life run its course. Oh man, do my shoulders ache.
So I’ve challenged myself to learn how to be patient. Not the kind of patience required for life with a kiddo. He’s pretty easy most of the time. Except for those meal-time tantrums which my husband is way better at handling, amongst other things. No, I have a new view that helps me take our day-to-day life in stride, and actually enjoy and cherish those moments.
I’m talking about being patient with my life. Allowing it to unfold in front of me at the right speed (even if that seems painstakingly slow at the time), instead of forcing it to move too quickly. Being patient with my body, and letting it determine when the right time is to add to our little family. Being patient with God, since he has the master plan. And most importantly, learning to let go, to give the things in life that I can’t control over to God, and letting Him show me the way. Trust that things will work out the way that they should, and be happy and content with that.
Now, if only there was a switch to make this happen.
When Allison at Alli ‘n Son finds that switch, I’m hoping I’m the first on her “to call” list. In the meantime, I think I’ll try to be patient with my life as well!
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Twitter: beths_confusion
April 10, 2010 at 6:49 am
I can relate to the need to be patient. I struggle to live in the moment & just breathe in the now. It’s easier for me to look ahead or behind, but the now. That’s where I need all the help I can get.
beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..Boneless Leg of Lamb Roast
Infertility is a fight against an enemy that you can’t see or hear or hit back. It feels futile and scary and hopeless. I know because I’ve been there. I did the same thing that you are doing now. Studying, trying every little theory I found on the internet or heard about from friends. I finally got pregnant the first time after I gave up, I relaxed, I stopped trying.
But I don’t think that’s what did it. I think what happened is I finally let go and let God take control. He had a plan and when I got out of the way and let that plan work itself out then it happened.
Please don’t think I’m discounting what you are going through. I know exactly what your going through, and I promise, it will get better.
Jennifer´s last blog ..Thank God It’s Friday
Allison @ Alli 'n Son
Twitter: Alli_n_Son
Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 6:54 am
That’s what happened with our first son. I just relaxed and forget about it, then things started working again. Also, yoga was a great for getting me to relax and let things go. At least at the moment.
Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s last blog ..4 Week Gluten Detox
It’s so tough to remember we’re really not in control. Of anything. Even our wily toddlers sometimes control mealtime for us, don’t they?? Hang in there!
Stacia´s last blog ..Haiku Friday
Allison @ Alli 'n Son
Twitter: Alli_n_Son
Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 6:52 am
My toddler controls just about every meal time. That’s one thing I’ve learned to let go. You just can’t make a toddler eat if they don’t want to.
Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s last blog ..4 Week Gluten Detox
It IS really hard to just let things come on their own time. Where is that “easy” button when we need/want it? Lots of luck to you, not only in conceiving, but in letting things go also.
i had my reminder that i’m not in control early today. 7:02 to be exact. funny how i have to get reminders every day for the same reason.
Leah´s last blog ..it seems
Twitter: shellthings
April 10, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Let me know if you find that switch!
I’m with Shell. I want to know where that switch is too.
Jen´s last blog ..The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree
Ah, me too, me too. Is there a Control Freaks Anonymous that I could join? But then everyone at the meeting would fight to be in charge of the agenda.
Allison @ Alli 'n Son
Twitter: Alli_n_Son
Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 6:51 am
Maybe we should start a group. Could be fun. Or not.
Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s last blog ..4 Week Gluten Detox
Twitter: 1momof5
April 10, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Patience is SO hard for me. I wouldn’t classify myself as a control freak, but I really don’t like to NOT know what’s going on. I want to be in the know and in control all the time!
Lolli´s last blog ..Mommy Olympics
Oh how I can relate. I love your honesty..I too have a hard time waiting on God. Ah one song that totally spoke to me is called While I’m Waiting by John Waller …and wondering why God’s plan doesn’t always match mine. I enjoyed reading your post!
Jessica´s last blog ..Easter Egg Hunt 2010
Patience is a hard one! I try not to pray for it though because I am afraid it will just bring me more little trials to help build my patience! Hahaha.
Honey Mommy´s last blog ..A Photo A Day: Week 14
Allison @ Alli 'n Son
Twitter: Alli_n_Son
Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 6:50 am
LOL, me too!
Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s last blog ..4 Week Gluten Detox
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